Scenes From a Relationship
by Laura M. Appelbaum
Summary: A piece from a couple of years ago: gap filler scenes focussed on Sinclair and Sakai's relationship.


**Scenes From a Relationship**

by Laura M. Appelbaum

"You could come with me, Jeff, we could pool our savings and blow this place!"

"I'll think about it."

"Well don't take too long. I'll wait, but not forever."

XXX

Sinclair knew he had to end it the moment he turned from the gate and started walking away. Garibaldi noticed him and waylaid him.

"Yours does not look like the face of a man who's just been acquitted of an assassination attempt and whose girlfriend just visited."

"On the contrary, Garibaldi, this is precisely the face of a man whose girlfriend just visited."

"Uh oh, trouble in paradise," Garibaldi said, falling in step alongside his friend.

"It's never been paradise," Sinclair insisted spontaneously, sorry as soon as he said it out loud. It was true, but it sounded so harsh.

"Come on, I'll buy you a drink," Garibaldi offered, and to their mutual surprise, Sinclair accepted the offer. "That'll be two shots of bourbon for my friend here and a soda water for me," he ordered at the Zocalo bar. "Alright, Jeff, what's going on?"  
"She doesn't understand me at all," Sinclair began, "she honestly thinks I'm going to resign my commission and go into business with her."  
"After you landed this plum assignment? She's gotta be kidding."

"She's not," said Sinclair, throwing back his first shot. "She brings it up every time we're together, and not jokingly either. She's dead serious. And that's not the only problem," he complained, setting down the shot glass. "I mean, she's attractive, independent, she cares about me; I should be into her, but ..."

"Come on, Jeff, what's the but?"

"The chemistry is all wrong. She's not ..." Garibaldi stared at him, waiting. Sinclair picked up the second glass. "She's not Catherine," he admitted despite himself.

"Oh boy, we're gonna need another shot over here!" Garibaldi announced to the bartender loudly while grabbing himself a handful of Minbari peanuts. Sinclair looked away sheepishly. "Catherine broke up with you on Mars, remember?"  
"I remember."  
"It's done, you two are finished."

"Finished," Sinclair repeated.

"It's over."

"Over and done."

"She said she'd never let your paths cross again."

"That's what she said."

"And you were relieved, at least for a while there."

"Well now I'm not. I just can't stop thinking about her, can't stop making comparisons and no other woman has ever measured up. Damn it, Michael what am I going to do? "  
"About Catherine? There's nothing you can do. With Carolyn, I guess you call and break up with her."

"You can't date someone for a year and then break up long distance," Sinclair protested. He cast a sidelong glance at Garibaldi. "Now I've got to wait for her to head back this way, she's gonna be all excited to see me, expect to stay with me, and then what do I tell her? Sorry, you're not my ex?"  
"Woah, no! Don't even go there. Stick to the job thing, tell her you're joining the priesthood, anything but that."

"Being with her isn't _that_ bad," Sinclair laughed weakly. "But what if she says she'll keep waiting for me to change my mind?"

"Then you get six more months of, you know." Sinclair shot him a look.

"I don't want six more months of … it just makes it that much more difficult to break up with her. Besides, that makes me miss Catherine more."  
"Yikes. You need another one?"  
"No, I'm good," Sinclair said contemplating the third empty glass. "I can't believe I'm telling you all this."

"Hey, what are friends for? If you've got to break up with her 'cause you're stuck on Catherine, maybe you shouldn't see anyone else for a while either." Sinclair nodded sadly.

"So you _are_ telling me to join the priesthood," Sinclair laughed wryly, "because if forgetting Catherine is required I won't be going out with anyone, ever," he ended morosely.

"Join the club. You know that new telepath, Lyta Alexander? All I did was smile at her, just smile, and she punched me in the gut."

"You like redheads? I know one who's going to be available."

"Alright, a rebound date!" Garibaldi said with enthusiasm, "that's about the best a guy like me can hope for. So when is she due back?"

"Two, three weeks."

"A lot can happen in two, three weeks. Maybe you'll change your mind."

"I won't."

"Maybe she'll change hers."

"I can only hope."

"Did someone call a senior staff meeting and forget to tell me?" asked Laurel Takashima as she sat down next to Sinclair and ordered a drink.

"Jeff's got girl problems." Garibaldi said offhandedly.

"Garibaldi!"  
"She'll know once Carolyn stops visiting, so what's the big deal? You know there are no secrets on this Station."

"Maybe I want to pretend there are."

"Who's ditching whom?" Laurel asked.

"He is."

"To be honest, Jeff, you've never seemed comfortable with her. Like your heart wasn't in it. Whatever happened to that Japanese woman on Mars?" Garibaldi tried and failed to wave her down. "You two seemed like a cute couple." Sinclair sighed hopelessly.

"They're through," Garibaldi explained with a hard look at Sinclair.

"That's a shame." Sinclair covered his eyes with his hand and massaged his temples. "Well look at it this way, Jeff, now that the Station's fully operational, we're expecting up to a quarter million people here. Probably sixty percent of them will be human, half of them will be women, eighty percent of those will be straight; it won't be long before you meet someone else."

"I am not having this conversation," Sinclair protested, "not having it at all."

"Well at least we have tonight. In a few hours you'll be the busy Commander again, so let's enjoy it while we can. If there were a problem, they'd tell you."

XXX

Sinclair kissed Sakai on the head and carefully extracted himself out from under her. She stirred and opened her eyes.

"Hey," he whispered, "good morning. I have to go on duty. Drop by C and C later today and I'll show you around. I don't want to be presumptuous, but if you'd like I can also get you a passkey to my quarters so you can come and go as you please."

"I think we blew past the possibility of 'presumptuousness' last night," Sakai murmured sleepily. Sinclair kissed her on the lips and went to go get dressed.

Several hours later, Sakai entered the Observation Dome.

"Is Commander Sinclair here?" she asked. Ivanova turned toward her and from his corner of Ops, Sinclair looked up, smiled and went to greet her.

"Have any trouble finding your way?"  
"No, your maps are very good." She looked around at her surroundings.

"Let me take you around. Lt. Commander, this is Catherine Sakai. Catherine, this is my second, Lt. Commander Susan Ivanova."  
"A pleasure," Ivanova greeted, offering her hand.

"Nice to meet you."

"This is where it all happens," Sinclair offered with a sweep of his arm and identifying the various stations. He walked her over to the main console. "And this is the best view in the house."

"It all seems so much smaller than when you're approaching the docking bay. But you're right, this is a great view." They continued to make a circuit of the room as Ivanova and the rest of the staff eyed the pair curiously. It was rare for any civilian to be invited to C and C and even more unusual for them to be welcomed there by Sinclair himself.

"Come, let's go see Garibaldi, Sinclair suggested as he guided her back out the door and down the hall.

"Don't you all have things to do?" Ivanova barked at a couple of still-staring crewmen, who quickly returned their attention to their consoles, but she was consumed by curiosity herself.

"Mr. Garibaldi," said Sinclair and the Chief looked up, saw Sakai and fought to hide a knowing smile. "You remember Catherine, don't you?"

"Sure. Hi, good to see you again. It's been what, two years?"  
"That sounds about right," she concurred. "It's good to see you're both doing so well – I'm glad Earth Force has finally given you the recognition you deserve."

"Well in my case, I'm here because Jeff asked for me. But that's no complaint – this is an opportunity I couldn't possibly pass up."

"So Mike, can we get a passkey to my quarters for Catherine?"

"Sure, you're vouching for her, right?" Sinclair smiled and rolled his eyes.

"Yes, I'm authorizing it."  
"Just following procedure," said Garibaldi as he inserted a blank pass into a slot on his computer. "So I guess I'll be seeing you around, huh?"

"Looks like it," she said, accepting the card from Garibaldi.

"I'll meet you back at my place in six hours and then we can go for dinner, alright?" Sinclair asked her.

"Sounds like a plan."

"See you," he said, sending her off with a quick kiss. The two men watched her walk off.

"Sooo … you and Catherine, huh?" Garibaldi queried knowingly.

"Yeah," Sinclair acknowledged with a small smile as he shoved his hands in his pockets.

"Well? Details? I want details."

"There are no details, Mr. Garibaldi," Sinclair claimed. "We went to dinner together."

"And?"  
"And we talked. Then yesterday she came by my quarters to visit."

"And did you ..." Garibaldi wiggled his eyebrows. Sinclair shook his head from side to side and sighed.

"You don't really expect I'm going to answer that, do you?"

"You just did," smiled Garibaldi devilishly. "So are you back together again?"

"We haven't really talked about where this might be leading."  
"Just be careful, Jeff. You know you're playing with fire."  
"Maybe," answered Sinclair thoughtfully. "Maybe not."

"This is a cute place," Sakai said as she finished up her meal at the Blue Marble restaurant.

"Glad you like it. So what do you think of my Station?"  
"It's huge. Like a small city in space. You really have a lot of territory to be responsible for."

"It can be a handful. But that's how I like it," he smiled broadly.

"When did you get the appointment?"  
"Right after I saw you last. I was completely taken aback when President Santiago called me. That post I had on Mars was pretty low profile, but this? Top brass wanted this job. I don't know why they came to me, but I wasn't about to question it. I jumped and haven't looked back."

"So what's it actually like here?"

"Station operations are pretty routine, though time consuming, but it's the diplomatic side to my job that's a real challenge. We have an Advisory Council made up of representatives from the Minbari, Centauri, Narn and Vorlons and the League of Non-Aligned Worlds. It's my job to preside over Council meetings as well as to represent Earth's interests. Things can get pretty hot and tangled in there, and that's not counting the personal agendas going on behind the scenes."  
"What do you mean?"  
"Well, take Ambassador G'Kar of the Narn, for example. Last year someone tried to assassinate the Vorlon Ambassador and G'Kar decided it was his mission to get me sent to the Vorlon homeworld to stand trial for the crime; a crime G'Kar was personally involved with, though I never got enough evidence to definitively prove it. Fortunately there was enough exculpatory evidence to clear my name. Then earlier this year I discovered that the Narn have been providing weapons to the raiders, who've been terrorizing civilian traffic in this sector. Basically after a hundred years of slavery under the Centauri, the Narn will do anything to amass wealth and territory and in that sense, G'Kar is an excellent representative of them. If you're here for any length of time, I'd advise you to steer clear of him."

"What about the other Ambassadors?"

"For starters there's Londo Mollari of the Centauri Republic. If he's not just drinking, he's in the casino drinking. If he's not in the casino drinking, he's at a strip club in Down Below drinking. And if he's doing none of those things he might, just might be sober and acting as Ambassador. He's quite bombastic but, I think, more than a little depressed. He takes that unhappiness out on G'Kar whenever he can. The Vorlon Ambassador, Kosh, is a mystery to everyone to the point where there's almost nothing to say about him. And Ambassador Delenn of the Minbari … you may be surprised to hear it, but I consider her a friend. I've come to realize the War was really an aberration for the Minbari – they're normally an honorable and very spiritual people."

"I am surprised to hear that – but I'm happy for you. The hatred you used to have held you prisoner for too long."

"Well, not anymore. But enough about me and B5; how have you been?"  
"Really good. There's an extreme shortage of Quantium 40 for jumpgate construction so I've been in high demand to survey likely planets and moons. Just yesterday, that commission I got? It was equal to half of what I earned all of last year. I've really been able to upgrade the Skydancer with the latest tech. It's exciting. Maybe not as exciting as your life here, but I'm happy with the way things are turning out."

"That's great," Sinclair said, reaching across the table to hold her hand. "Catherine … I've missed you." She looked over into his eyes. "A lot."

"I've missed you too." A long silence passed between them. "Do you think we're moving too fast?"

"Probably," he said thoughtfully, "but I don't care."

"Me neither," she offered seductively, leaning in towards him. Sinclair stared intently back at her. It was all he could do to resist grabbing her right there in the restaurant. "You done?" Sakai nodded, still staring into his eyes. Sinclair raised his hand to signal for the check, handing over his bankcard to the waiter without breaking his gaze at Sakai. "Do you want to go see the garden?"

"No," she said steadily.

"Can I walk you back to your room?"  
"No."

"My place?" Sakai nodded and stood up from the table. Sinclair came around and put his hand in the small of her back, steering her out of the restaurant, and the waiter had to sprint after them to give back Sinclair's card.

"Alright, Garibaldi," Ivanova said sitting down next to him at the Zocalo bar. "What's going on? Who is she?"  
"Wouldn't you like to know," he teased, taking a drink of water. "She's Catherine Sakai," he said unhelpfully.

"Yes, I got that part, . And unless you want me to rip that smile off of your face you'll tell me exactly who she is."

"Ooo, so violent, Lt. Commander. Have you considered mood stabilizers?"  
"Garibaldi!" she yelled impatiently and he chuckled to himself.

"She's Jeff's inamorata. Or his worst enemy – depends on the day. They met at the Academy and have been together, then broken up, then been together, broken up; lather, rinse, repeat since before the War. I first met her on Mars just before they split the last time, then again after, once Jeff had started dating Carolyn Sykes; a woman he was seeing before you came aboard. Poor Carolyn never had a chance. The sexual tension between Jeff and Catherine was so intense you could get a contact high just breathing in the same air. They had some kind of terrible fight – probably about the new girlfriend – and Catherine swore she'd never get back with him again, wouldn't even orbit a planet he was on. He's been twisted up about the loss ever since. Catherine turned up on the Station two days ago, they went out to dinner and today, well, you've seen 'em. He's already given her access to his quarters. You wouldn't think it knowing him just as an officer, but Jeff's got this whole other side that comes out when he's with her. They're like a pair of fusion reactors."

"Really?" Ivanova said with skepticism. "Our Commander Sinclair? He's so … disciplined. I have always admired that about him."

"Trust me, you'll want to stand on this side of the blast doors. It should be interesting to see where this goes – from a safe distance, mind you." He paused. "I guarantee you he'll be asking you to cover his shift tomorrow."

"The Commander never takes personal time."

"I'm telling you – I'll put a hundred credits on it."

"You're on," Ivanova said, holding out her hand for a shake.

"Sucker," Garibaldi mocked. "I think I'll use it to import some butter and olive oil. If you're nice to me I might let you admire the bottle." Ivanova started to say something cutting, thought the better of it and ordered a drink.

"Don't touch me," Sakai warned as she stared up at the ceiling in exhaustion.

"Not to worry – I can't move," Sinclair assured her from where he lay half under the tangled sheets beside her. They looked at each other and laughed.

"You tore my dress, you know."

"I'll buy you another one." He reached out to play with her hair and she slapped his hand.

"I'm warning you ..."

"It's just your hair ..."

"That's what you said last time and look what happened."

"You tackled me, what did you expect?"

"I didn't tackle you."  
"Yes you did."

"Okay, so I did. But now I really mean it – I'm all worn out."

"Want to go take a shower? Officers get real water showers. Everyone else just gets vibe."

"That's a worse idea than touching my hair. No, I'm just going to lay here on my half of this bed and you're going to stay over there on yours. Not touching."  
"How long do you think this resolution is going to last?"  
"Twenty minutes," she admitted. "Maybe fifteen if you keep messing with my hair," she complained, slapping him away again. Sinclair chuckled.

"I've got to call Ivanova about something anyway," he said, trying to pull himself out of bed. He retrieved his shirt from off the floor and started putting it on, which made it Catherine's turn to laugh.

"You won't fool anyone with your hair like that." He tried to comb it in place with his fingers.

"Better?"

"Better." He stumbled bare-assed to the computer.

"Sinclair to Ivanova." Ivanova's face filled the viewer.

"Commander. Is there something I can do for you?"  
"As a matter of fact, Lt. Commander, I was wondering if you'd do me a huge favor and cover my shift in C and C tomorrow. I know we have the Abbai ceremony at seventeen hundred, but if you could take over for me until then I'd really appreciate it."

"Garibaldi!" Ivanova cursed under her breath.

"What?"

"I'm sorry, nothing Commander. I'd be glad to help you out, no problem."  
"Thanks, Lt. Commander – I owe you one." The screen blipped back to the BabCom logo.

"Oh my God, did you actually take time off?" Sinclair smiled and nodded. "You never take unscheduled time off."  
"Like I said the other day, maybe you don't know me as well as you think."  
"Get back over here," she ordered, her arms outstretched.

"It hasn't even been five minutes," he reminded her as he headed back to the bed.

"The hell with it," she said, pulling him into an embrace and mussing his hair back up. "I caught a second wind."

"Aren't you supposed to be in C and C?" Garibaldi asked as he came upon Sinclair and Sakai eating breakfast in a Zocalo cafe.

"I asked Ivanova to cover for me."  
"Yes!" Sinclair frowned questioningly. "I mean, yes, of course, she mentioned that in the mess hall. So what are your plans for the day?"  
"I want to show Catherine more of the Station, maybe take her by to see the cobra bays, and then ..."  
"We have a lot of catching up to do," offered Sakai euphemistically.

"Yes, catching up," Sinclair repeated.

"Oh, well, that's nice" Garibaldi said, playing along. "So uh, how long are you going to be with us Catherine?" Sinclair shot him a look.

"I have one more day before I have to head out and do some surveying work."

"Garibaldi, do you think you could cover my shift in C and C tomorrow? I'd really appreciate it."  
"Sure, Jeff. As long as you authorize my next shipment from Earth."  
"Why? What's it going to be?" he asked suspiciously.

"Nothing sketchy, I swear. Just some food stuffs."  
"Oh well then sure. Give me your list on Saturday when I'm in my office. We'll add it to next month's import requests."

"Thanks. Well, I guess I'll leave you two alone. Catch you later."

"He seems awfully cheerful about something," Sakai observed as Garibaldi walked away.

"He does," Sinclair agreed, frowning slightly. "That can only mean trouble." Sakai giggled and turned back to her tea and cinnamon roll.

"Ah! Commander Sinclair! Enjoying this glorious morning, are you? And who is this lovely creature you have been hiding away?"  
"This woman," Sinclair emphasized, "is Catherine Sakai. Catherine, this is Ambassador Londo Mollari of the Centauri Republic."

"Charmed, I'm sure."

"Uh, nice to meet you, Ambassador."  
"Will we be seeing you both for today's festivities? We'll be bringing out the boar – it has been marinating for three days now; it should be, how do you Earthers say? Most succulent. By the way, I missed you, Commander, at the start of the holiday."

"I was there, Londo. Don't you remember? You threw a roll at me and gave a toast."

"Ah, the memory does such tricks. Well, I hope to see you again later, yes?"

"I'll try to find the time, but no promises," Sinclair offered falsely. "I have a very tight schedule today."

"Very good then. Most wonderful meeting you, Ms. Sakai."

"Uh, likewise." After he left she looked at Sinclair. "He threw a roll at you? And is he actually drunk at nine in the morning?"  
"Londo? No, that was Londo sober. He's much more … effusive when he's drunk; hence the bread throwing."

"Up until now I was a little jealous of your life here. Now I feel kind of sorry for you," she laughed.

"Like I said, it's never dull here."

"I haven't walked this much since I was a kid hiking in Alaska," Sakai complained.

"Then this will be our last stop – the zen garden, one of my favorite places on the Station. Oh, Ambassador Delenn," he said as they entered and saw the Minbari at her customary seat in the garden.

"Commander Sinclair," she greeted him happily, looking up. "How good to see you."

"Delenn, this is Catherine Sakai. Catherine, this is Ambassador Delenn."

"You are a friend of the Commander's?"  
"Yes. I hear you are as well." Delenn smiled and bowed with her head.

"The Commander and I have a history … here together," Delenn said, pausing unusually. "Are you visiting the Station?"  
"Yes. I've been here four days – it's quite remarkable." She glanced around. "I can see why you both like this spot – it's so green and quiet." Sinclair and Delenn both smiled.

"There's a garden maze too." Sinclair said.

"But the Commander and I prefer to watch the water beat against the rocks. We've spent many pleasant hours here just contemplating the waves," she explained to Sakai.

"Oh, you mean the sand," Sakai suddenly realized, feeling stupid.

"Today I must confess I have a different reason to be here," Delenn admitted.

"Oh?" asked Sinclair as Sakai sat down on the other end of the bench from Delenn.

"Yes, I am in hiding from Londo." Sinclair laughed aloud.

"You too? He wanted us to attend the third day of his festival ..."

"But one was enough," Delenn finished in agreement. "We Minbari do not drink," she explained to Sakai, "or behave, how do you Humans put it? Rowdy? On Minbar, mealtime is a solemn opportunity to give thanks, to recall Valen and to meditate. The Centauri on the other hand … while culturally interesting, I found the whole meal to be … uncomfortable. "

"It's like a week long hazing ritual, only with food." Sinclair offered up. Sakai nodded, imagining.

"You were wise to leave early, Commander. Just afterwards the Ambassador climbed atop the table and fell down, face first; according to Vir he 'became one with himself'?"

"You mean he passed out?" suggested Sinclair.

"That is how it appeared to me, but perhaps the Centauri meditate in a manner that I am unfamiliar with." Sinclair and Sakai laughed.

"I don't think the Centauri are much into self-reflection," observed Sinclair more seriously.

"This is most unfortunate," said Delenn.

"I agree," he concurred.

"Will you be attending the Abbai ceremony? I understand it involves some sort of dance. Ambassador Kalika says it represents her race abandoning the sea and taking their place among the stars."

"I'll be there." He turned to Sakai. "Wanna come?"

"I don't have a dress, remember?"  
"Oh."

"I'm kind of tired anyway. Do any of your restaurants deliver? I'll just do take out and call it a day."

"Sure. Let's go back to my place so I can change. See you in an hour, Ambassador."  
"Until then, Commander. I enjoyed meeting you," she said to Sakai.

"And I you. Good afternoon." In the hallway she remarked to Sinclair: "I really did enjoy meeting her. I can see why you like her; she's quiet and kind of mysterious, like you."

"I'm mysterious?" Sinclair queried. Getting no answer he continued on. "It's funny how we can have long conversations in which she manages not to disclose anything about herself. I don't know if that's a Minbari trait, or just Delenn. I know she's from the Religious Caste and studied for many years in a Temple, but how she went from there to here … I guess it's kind of like my going from Mars to B5. A bit of that mystery you cite, maybe?" They returned to his quarters and Sakai collapsed on the couch while Sinclair went to get his dress uniform. As he put it on, Sakai observed curiously.

"Why are you only wearing about half of your service emblems?" she asked. "Where's your Earth-Minbari War badge, your Alpha Squadron medallion, your ribbons from The Line?"

"I thought it would be unnecessarily confrontational given my role here, and the fact that the Minbari put up almost half the funds to build the place. I've got them, they're just in a drawer someplace."

"That's awfully diplomatic of you. I wouldn't have thought about it that way."

"That's why they pay me the big bucks," he joked. "Not that they actually do ..."

"You do get some nice perks here – water in the shower? I haven't had a water shower in six months. Free food in the mess hall? A living room and a bedroom? What do I have in the Skydancer? A bunk, food gel, and a zero-g exercise machine." Sinclair looked back at her through the mirror.

"You ever regret leaving Earth Force?"  
"No. I have regrets, but they're not about that."

"Yeah, I've got a few too," he said, turning around to face her.

"We'll have to compare lists some time."

"I bet we don't need to," he whispered, reaching out to hold her. She stood up and nodded against his chest.

"You're probably right," she agreed quietly. Sinclair started to kiss her but she gently pushed him away. "If we get started now you'll never make it to the fish dance in time. I'll be here when it's all over," she reassured him.

"Okay. I'll see you in an hour or two," he answered reluctantly.

"So," said Sakai as she sat cross-legged on the couch next to Sinclair in the dimmed living room, drinking Centauri ale, "I found something interesting while you were out."  
"Oh?" cued Sinclair, now relaxed beside her in casual clothes.

"You saved my letters too."

"You went through my drawers?" he asked with a small hint of outrage, but also knowing he had nothing to hide.

"Of course," she replied unapologetically. "What did Carolyn think about that?" she questioned accusingly.

"Carolyn never ransacked my quarters," he said, putting down his glass.

"Sure she did. She just didn't tell you about it." Sakai answered blithely, taking another sip of ale.

"I would never think to go through your things," Sinclair insisted, moving the topic away from his ex.

"More's the pity. You might be intrigued."  
"Is that an invitation?"  
"I did some shopping while I was in the Zocalo yesterday."

"I see. But what was it you were expecting to find?" he asked, refusing to be distracted and narrowing his eyes at her.

"I don't know. That's why I looked. It's been a few years … maybe I just wanted to be sure there isn't anyone else. There could have been someone else."  
"There's no one else," he assured her steadily. "And even when there was someone else, there really wasn't anyone else," he murmured to her. She looked away coyly. "Besides, what if you had found something? Would you have left?" Sakai lifted her eyes back to his face and was quiet a moment.

"I don't know," she answered thoughtfully, "I really don't know."

"You have to know I would never do that to you." She looked away again.

"But I did pretty much throw myself at you," she admitted, thinking back.

"I didn't have to catch," he replied. "Catherine ..." he commanded, "I know exactly what I, what we, are getting ourselves into. It's not something I regretted this morning. It's not something I'll regret tomorrow. When I heard you were here, when I saw you standing there … I knew I had to try to get you back."

"I was determined not to," she said.

"I know," he whispered, leaning over to kiss her. "I know."

"I swore I'd never let you hurt me again."

"We'll make this time different," he vowed. He gently took the glass out of her hand, set it down, and pulled her into an embrace. With none of the frenzied fury of the last few days, they slowly and carefully made love to each other as if it were for the first time.

Sinclair woke up to find Sakai leaning on one elbow and staring at him.  
"Good morning," she said. He blinked at her.

"G'morning. What ..."

"Nothing. I was just watching you sleep. It's been a long time since I've studied your face."

"And?"

"I'd forgotten how good looking you are when you're really relaxed and comfortable. I don't think you ever looked so calm back on Mars. I think this place is good for you. I think this place could be good for us."

"I'm glad to hear it." He pulled a hand out from under the covers and ran it along the side of her face. "So what do you want to do today?" Sakai lay her head back on the pillow so they were nose to nose.

"Stay here in bed with you." Sinclair started to laugh, then realized she was serious. "Why not?" she argued, "you have no place you have to be today, do you?"

"No, I've got Garibaldi covering. They'll call if there's a problem … yeah, why not?" he mused. "You have no idea how long it's been since I spent time doing absolutely nothing."

"No, but I can guess," she said. "It doesn't seem like your job leaves you much down time."

"And you're here during the slowest week I can remember. These religious demonstrations really seem to have brought out everyone's best behavior."

"When was the last time you took a day off around here?"  
"Before yesterday, you mean? Never."

"Never?"

"No, never. Didn't have reason to. And I don't want you to get the idea that I'm going to be doing this regularly either. That wouldn't be fair. I'll entertain the thought when I can, but the facts are that it won't be very often."

"I see," she answered noncommittally. He stared back at her hoping for more of a reply. "So those terms are non-negotiable?"  
"I'm afraid so. Can you live with that?" There was a long pause before she reached out to hold his hand.

"I guess I'll have to." Sinclair sighed and smiled.

"When was the last time we did nothing together but stay in bed?" he asked.

"Wow, I must have been twenty-two, twenty-three. Back on Io."

"That seems so long ago now – like another lifetime."

"We were so young and naïve."

"And then the War came ..."  
"It changed us."  
"It changed everything."

"Do you think about it much?"  
"At night I still have the dreams," he admitted. "During the day I try my best not to."

"Do you think we would have broken up if there was no War?" He stroked her face again.

"I dunno. I don't think so."

"We lost a lot of years, then."

"Maybe we can make up for lost time now."

"You think?"  
"I can hope," he whispered. Grudgingly he pulled himself out of bed. "I'll be right back." he said, headed for the bathroom. Sakai rolled onto her back and stared up at the ceiling, thinking, then turned over and studied the bound books on his nightstand. A Starfury technical manual. A copy of Homer's Odyssey. Some unhelpfully labeled commission reports. An antique copy of Robert's Rules of Order, about two hundred years out of date. "You want some breakfast?" he asked upon his return.

"What do you have?"  
"Here? Not much. Cereal. We could go to the cafe or to the mess hall. They have a great breakfast buffet."

"I don't want to leave the room today. Don't want to see other people."

"Cereal it is then. Orange juice or coffee substitute?"  
"Juice," she said, sitting up. Sinclair opened the doors and wandered into the other room, then came back with some bowls and glasses.

"Gold channel communication," interrupted the computer. He shrugged at her and reached for his robe.

"I gotta take this."

"It's okay." He left again for the living room, this time closing the doors behind him.

"Senator ..." she heard him say, but soon enough he was back and in bed with her again.

"Anything important?"  
"No. They just want to know what kind of demonstration I'm going to make of Earth's 'dominant belief system'. I told him I haven't decided yet." They ate quietly for a while. "Catherine … has there been anyone else for you?"

"Nothing remotely serious. I dated a couple of times but it didn't go anywhere. It's funny how we have sex first and then ask questions later, isn't it?"

"We've never gone about things the way normal people do, have we?"

"Not really. Has there been anyone since Carolyn?"  
"No, no one."

"You were together with her a long time, weren't you?"  
"I dated her a year, but I wouldn't say we were ever together. The whole relationship was a mistake. I'd seen you with that jarhead Mike ..."

"Matt."

"Matt, and I told myself it was time to move on. So when she asked me out, I went. I never really thought about it, about her. She was just kind of there at the right time. Or maybe it was the wrong time, I dunno."  
"Matt and I only made it to two months. We slept together maybe three times."

"I wish I had known that. What did you see in him anyway?"  
"He wasn't you."

"Hmm."

"What did you see in Carolyn?"

"She was assertive and self-confident. Like you. The only things I liked about her were the things where I could convince myself she was like you; you both ran your own business. You both loved flying. You both loved me at one time or another."  
"Did you love her?"  
"No."

"Did you ever tell her you did?"  
"No. But I suppose I let her draw her own conclusions. In the end, I wasn't very nice to her at all. I was just using her to try to forget you. I'm not proud of that. Garibaldi tried to convince me it was the normal way men behave, but it wasn't for me. But thank God he at least convinced me not to let her know the real reason I broke up with her."

"And how did you?"  
"I stressed there was no way I was leaving Earth Force, which was true. I started to really throw myself into my job here and have no time for her, more than I really didn't. I stopped calling her. Eventually she got the message and moved on. I took the coward's way out, basically."

"I would never have let you get away with that," Catherine said pointedly.

"I know. That was just one more reason to stop seeing her."

"And here all the time I'd thought you'd really replaced me. You fooled me so well on Mars." He nodded.

"I was trying to fool myself. It's all so stupid isn't it?"  
"Yes," she said. She looked at him and they both started to laugh.

"At least we finally agree on something."

"Talking about this could have really turned into a fight … and it didn't. Maybe things will be different this time." He moved in close to her and ran his fingers along her collarbone.

"I hope some things stay the same."

XXX

"You're sure you have to go?"  
"Oh, it's just for a few days. I have to make a survey run through the Deneb sector by next Tuesday or I lose the commission. See you when I get back?"  
"I'm not leaving this time.

"Neither am I. This should be interesting."

"That's it, that's all you know?"  
"Yes. They are a mystery and I am both terrified and reassured to know that there are still wonders in the universe, that we have not yet explained everything. Whatever they are, Ms. Sakai, they walk near Sigma 957. And they must walk there alone."

XXX

"Thinking deep thoughts?" Garibaldi asked as he stepped into the garden. Sinclair grinned self-consciously and looked up from his seat on the stone bench.

"More like thinking no thoughts," he said somewhat cryptically. "I've never seen you here before – what brought you?"  
"Looking for you. Your shift's over, I missed catching you in the mess hall, so I figured I had a half hour in which to find you here."

"I'm that predictable?"  
"Absolutely. You should try mixing it up some – go to the casino, hit the officer's club. Otherwise you run the risk of being labeled 'dull'." Sinclair gave him a crooked smile.

"I prefer to think of it as being reliable," he said with mock irritation. "Besides, I like my habits the way they are, thank you."

"Which is why I knew I'd find you here." The Chief sat down next to him. "So, I've got some news for you."

"News?" Sinclair responded.

"Yeah. Catherine's ship just came in and it's a terrible mess."

"What?" Sinclair said with some alarm.

"The landing gear and most of the sample collectors are gone – looks like they just melted off somehow."

"And Catherine ..."  
"She's fine. Probably out looking for you herself. Now, you didn't hear this from me, but rumor has it she was doing some work for Universal Terraform, checking out a planet called Sigma 957."

"She mentioned she had a job for them yesterday. I warned her about getting involved with a megacorp ..."

"Well rumor also has it she was escorted back by a pair of well-armed Narn heavy cruisers."

"Narn?" Sinclair said with confusion. "Are you sure about that?"  
"Yeah. I thought it was odd what with G'Kar so eager to send you off to the Vorlon homeworld last year, so I checked some other sources. They all agree she came back with a Narn escort."

"That doesn't make any sense," Sinclair mused.

"Yeah, well, getting an explanation is your job." Sinclair shook his head no.

"She'll never tell me what this is about. Especially if she got into some sort of trouble out there. She hates that I worry about her."

"I gotta tell you, Jeff, that's some kind of strange relationship you have going there." Sinclair laughed.

"Maybe. But it seems to be working. At least so far."

"I guess I shouldn't question success," Garibaldi said, rising and clasping Sinclair briefly on the shoulder. "I'm happy for you, really."

"Thanks."

"Catch ya' later in the gym." Garibaldi said from the doorway to the garden. "Or maybe not, now that you've got company."

"I wouldn't want to be labeled 'dull'," Sinclair grinned. "Hey, thanks for the head's up, Mike."

"No problem," Garibaldi replied, walking back out into the hall. Sinclair turned his attention to the stone garden for a moment, but found his concentration gone. He sighed and got up, heading for his quarters.

When he arrived, he found Catherine had beaten him there and was in her yukata relaxing on the couch. Her black hair flowed loose over her shoulders and Sinclair found himself immediately aroused at the sight. It had been two weeks since their reunion, but as far as his libido was concerned, it was two minutes.

"Hey," Sinclair greeted her with a smile as he started to take off his uniform jacket.

"Hey, yourself," Sakai said, readjusting herself to take up less space on the sofa. Sinclair threw his jacket over the back of a chair and sank down beside her as he unbuttoned the neck of his shirt.

"So what happened to the Skydancer?" he asked as off-handedly as he could, putting his arm around her slender shoulders. "Are you going to tell me about it?" He leaned in to kiss her neck.

"No," she answered, closing her eyes and enjoying his touch. "There was a little accident, that's all. Nothing ten thousand credits won't fix." She kissed him on the lips. "I will tell you about Ambassador G'Kar though."

"G'Kar?" he asked with feigned ignorance, pulling back. "What does G'Kar have to do with anything?"  
"He sent a little party out to check on me," she explained. "When I asked him why he did it his explanation was 'why not?' Which really surprised me given the warnings you gave me about him. But then he also said 'no one here is exactly who he appears to be.'" She eyed Sinclair carefully. "He said that included you."

"Well … I wouldn't pay much attention to anything G'Kar says about me if I were you," he assured Sakai, pulling her against his chest. "We've tangled more than once and I've come out on top every time. Maybe he's finally realizing he'd be better off getting on my good side … but I doubt it."

"I don't know, Jeff; he seemed pretty sincere. Said there was no reason to cause you any 'distress'."

"Why? Was there reason for me to be distressed?" he asked pointedly, looking down at the top of her head.

"Let's just say I was glad for the assistance and leave it at that, alright?" She swiveled around to silence him with a kiss. "So how did your budget cut meeting go?"  
"Had to postpone it – something else came up."

"Does it have anything to do with why Blue 16 is closed off from the Zocalo?" It was Sinclair's turn to be evasive.

"So you heard about that, huh? What else did you hear?" he asked carefully.

"That you took on the Psi Corps and engaged in some unnecessary heroics."

"I wouldn't say it was 'unnecessary,' or 'heroic' either."

"And just what would you call it?" she asked as he played with her hair.

"Doing my job to keep Babylon 5 safe."

"The buzz around here is that you do these necessary non-heroics all the time; risking your life for the Station." Sinclair was silent, thinking about having had this argument with Garibaldi only a couple of months before. His answer was still the same. Denial.

"I didn't risk anything ..."

"Jeff, I know you. Don't try to make out like I don't. You've been looking for ways to justify your survival ever since The Line. You need to just accept it with gratitude – you're alive, that should be reason enough."

"Fine," he said in resignation, resisting the powerful urge to tell her off. It wouldn't advance his agenda for the evening. "What do you want me to say?"

"That once in a while you'll think about me, about us, before you go off recklessly."

"I could say the same thing to you – how far do you think that'll get me?"  
"Alright, fair enough." There was a long pause.

"Did we just avoid a fight?"  
"I think we did," she said, equally surprised. "This calls for a celebration." She pulled his head down to hers and kissed him passionately. Content to live with their mutual evasiveness, Sinclair kissed her back.

"I can't believe you did this to me, Susan. What kind of a Human are you to side with _them_?"

"I find many of these people to be more Human than you and your kind, but I don't suppose you'd understand that."

"I don't know you any more."

"I never knew you."

XXX

Sitting in his living room, Sinclair held the small lacquer bowl in his hand and stared at it distractedly, swirling the contents around and around.

"What's the matter, Jeff? I thought you liked my miso soup." Catherine Sakai asked him from her position next to him on the couch. Sinclair looked at her, then back to his bowl and set it down on the coffee table.

"I do, it's just … I was just thinking ..." his voice trailed off and he sighed. "You ever hear of the Homeguard?"

"They're a bunch of racist misfits who hate aliens, right?"

"Not all of them are misfits. That's the problem." He stood up and started pacing the room.

"Some of them seem to be in EarthGov itself, or at least have government support. You ever seen one of their pamphlets? 'Join us in purifying the universe?' No ambiguity there. We just uprooted a group of them here on the Station, but not before they attacked and branded an important Minbari poet and kidnapped the Abbai Agricultural Liaison."

"What do you mean by 'branded'?"

"Just that – burned an EarthFirst symbol on her head. Right here on my Station," he glowered. "And Mila Shar – I've never seen anyone so terrified – they tied her up and wanted me to kill her."

"What?" Sakai asked in alarm. "Who would think you would do such a thing?"

"It was an ex-boyfriend of Ivanova's. I convinced him I was interested in joining Homeguard in order to flush out his confederates. The whole thing has really unsettled me." He sat back down next to her. "Right before I came back here I met with Mila Shar to give her my personal apologies, but how do I make amends for how rude I was when I was playing the game? Or how sorry I am we didn't protect her effectively in the first place? But worst of all ..." he sat back down and took a sip of soup, "worst of all was how easy it was to trick Biggs – that was his name, Malcolm Biggs – into thinking I was a sympathizer. All it took was talking about the War."

"Well not everyone who fought had the epiphany you did." Sinclair snorted in disgust.

"He wasn't even a soldier, let alone a survivor. Just some wanna-be hate monger. Besides, the Abbai had nothing to do with the War. If he'd grabbed Delenn at least it would have made some kind of sick sense. But anyway the War was a long time ago. We've gained a lot more by trading, making cultural exchanges with alien worlds – including the Minbari - than we ever did by fighting them.

"What did you tell him about the War?" she asked softly. He gave her a side-long glance.

"A little of what I felt right after it ended. That it was a hollow victory."

"And now?" He played with the soup bowl again, eyeing the cubes of tofu and discs of green onion.

"Now? Now I'm just glad it ended, that the Minbari came to their senses. I still wonder why, but I'm just grateful." There was a prolonged silence. He looked at her directly. "Do I strike you as someone still bitter over the War?"

"No," she answered cautiously. "I can't imagine you would have taken this job – or taken it as seriously as you do – if hatred still propelled you. After all, Minbari credits helped build this place and you've told me you consider Ambassador Delenn a friend. But if we're honest about it, Jeff, hatred of the Minbari motivated you for a long time."

"I still don't know what the hell happened to me out there," he confessed vigorously. "But I don't hate anyone any more. Except maybe Homeguard."

"But ten years ago you might have joined them," she dared. "That's why they offend you so much, isn't it?" Sinclair stiffened at her words, then sighed and visibly sagged.

"Yeah. Maybe so." He sighed again. "Maybe so."

"Eat your soup," she ordered, "it's getting cold. I made mochi for dessert."

"Thanks," Sinclair said distantly, picking back up his bowl obediently. "I wonder if I should check in on Ivanova, see if she needs to talk. She's so introspective it's hard to tell sometimes."

"Look who's talking."

"Hmm," he grunted. "I'm talking to you now."

"I'll admit you've gotten better about it – that's probably a big part of why things are working out this time." They exchanged looks and then Sinclair drained his bowl of soup.

"Alright then, enough about my week; what do you have to share?"

"I just closed a contract that'll take me off Station for about a week. Pretty routine, nothing to talk about."

"How convenient," Sinclair said wryly, "I thought this whole 'opening up' thing was supposed to work both ways."

"I can't tell you about the details of my contracts. You know better than that."

"Just remember that the next time I say I can't talk about something because it's classified."

"Fair enough. Want dessert?"

"I have something else in mind," he said salaciously, pulling her into his arms.

" … And Delenn. What was she doing there? What is it they don't want me to remember? I have to find out. I have to."

XXX

Catherine Sakai was asleep alongside Sinclair, her head on his shoulder, her left leg draped over his and her hand buried in the hair on his chest when he began talking in his sleep.

"No! Mitchell, it's a trap!" Sakai woke up to his frantic cries.

"Jeff?"  
"Mitchell, no!"

"Jeff?" she asked again, shaking him until he awoke. Disoriented, he sat up in the dark.

"What? Where ..."

"It's okay, Jeff; you're here with me." Sinclair shook his head and blinked a few times, exhaling hard. "The nightmares are back?" she asked sympathetically, remembering how for years after the War he had them every single night. Sinclair nodded, then looked away briefly into the darkness.

"Yeah. They went away for a while – since we've been back together. Now they're back." He ran a hand through his hair and tried to slow his pulse rate down.

"Have any idea why?" she asked, stroking the back of his head.

"Yeah," he admitted to her surprise. "Yeah, I do." He turned on the bedside light. "Something … happened to me while you were away last week," he said painfully.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want to talk about it." He looked away again, blinking a few times in quick succession. Sakai waited patiently. "I guess I'm not over it yet. If it were up to Franklin, I'd probably still be in Medlab. But that wouldn't do me any good. At least this way I'm busy enough during the day that I stop thinking about it. For a while anyway."

"What happened?" Sinclair took a deep breath.

"Last thing I remember I was in here, starting to get undressed for bed. I'd taken off my jacket and my dress shirt and removed my link. The next thing I know, I'm in a virtual reality cybernet with someone trying to force me to remember."

"Remember what?" He gave her a hard look.

"What really happened at the Battle of The Line." Sakai looked back at him with consternation.

"You've always said you can't remember, that you blacked out; there was nothing more to recall."

"And I've always wondered if that was true," he admitted with a sigh. "It turns out it wasn't." He hesitated. "Cath, I don't know who's behind this; I may be putting you at risk just by telling you about it. Are you sure you want me to go on?" Sakai nodded and reached for his hand. Sinclair stared into the middle distance. "I was taken aboard a Minbari Cruiser. They interrogated me. Tortured me. Remember those mysterious scars I had on my neck and wrists when you first saw me after the War? They must have been from the assault. The memories get stranger from there. I was in a dark room with nine lights aimed from ceiling to floor. Nine figures in dark grey hooded robes. I think it could have been the Grey Council. I was suspended from a bar in the middle of them. Then one of them held up a triangular device in front of me. It lit up with a bright white light. Then, then," he hesitated. "Then I don't know what happened next," he lied, omitting any reference to Delenn. "They must have wiped my memory and put me back in my ship because it all goes black. I have no idea why they selected me to bring aboard or if there were others. I have no idea if it has anything to do with their surrender. I just know it happened."

"Oh, Jeff," she said, leaning her head against his shoulder.

"I had a hard time coming out of the 'net. I was drugged up beyond belief and hallucinating. Actually got into something of a gun battle with Garibaldi. Finally I came to my senses and shot one of the kidnappers dead before he shot me. The other one, my interrogator? The cybernet fried his brain. I couldn't get anything out of him about who he was, who was behind the operation or why they'd done it. Earth exercised jurisdiction and we had to ship him off. I may never know the answers to those questions. But about The Line … that I finally know."

"Jeff," she said again, at a loss for words.

"Every night since it happened, I'm back on The Line. Reliving it over and over like I did just after the War. Sometimes I'm in my Starfury watching the sky light up with jumpgates and exploding ships. Sometimes I'm bound and being beaten and shocked. Mostly I see Bill Mitchell breaking formation against my orders. I try to warn him, but he never listens."

"Oh, Jeff." He squeezed her in a one-armed embrace.

"I'll be fine," he assured her. Instead of soothing her, his remark set her off.

"Why do you always try to minimize what happens to you? This is huge. It's traumatic, just like The Line was itself. Don't make out like it was nothing but a bad dream."

"What do you expect me to do?" he said, irritated. "Cry about it? Go into therapy? I've got a handle on it, it's just at night ..."

"I don't want to fight with you, but you're so damned stubborn. Always trying to be so stoic about everything."

"Do you really want to argue about this?" he asked, his eyes blazing. "Because I'm not in the damn mood."

"I said no. But that doesn't make it less true," she reproached him heatedly.

"I need a drink of water," he said, pulling away from her and throwing aside the bedsheets. Sakai watched him open the frosted doors and disappear into the living room. He was right, and she'd picked the wrong time to revive this fight; they had spent years arguing over what she perceived to be his repressed reactions to everything. If they started in on it again, it would probably be their last fight. Their last anything. She didn't want that, not this time – things were otherwise going so well. There were two emotions he couldn't fully squelch – anger and passion – and it was easy for them to move from one to the other. Sakai tried to calm herself down. When he reemerged she was all smiles.

"I can think of something to distract you from those dreams," she beckoned. Relieved she'd dropped the quarrel, he climbed back into bed beside her.

"Me too," he whispered with lazy eyes and soon enough they were making love like nothing had happened at all.

"Liner Calisto will be docking in Bay twelve in seven minutes."

"Deathwalker? Deathwalker. Deathwalker!"

XXX

"You're sure it's okay for me to be here?" Sakai asked Sinclair again as she added food selections to her tray.

"Of course – first off, you're retired EarthForce. Secondly, you're my guest, and third off, if anyone has a problem with it, they can take it up with the Station Commander," he grinned.

"It must be nice to be all-powerful," she teased as they left the buffet.

"I wouldn't go that far," he laughed. "Mr. Garibaldi – mind if we join you?"  
"Hey, Jeff, Catherine. Sure, pull up a chair," he said pushing out the one across from him with his foot. "Some big spender you are, taking her to the officer's mess hall," Garibaldi mocked.

"I only have a half hour before my shift starts – I needed something quick."

"Try McBari's. Their slogan is 'Fast, Fried, Minbari.' Their flarn burgers are greasy but great!"

"You forget that I love this woman," Sinclair admonished. Sakai smiled at the public admission. "So how is your day going so far?"

"Not as well as yours," Garibaldi said, indicating Sakai. "But okay, pretty quiet. Some petty theft in the Zocalo, that's about it. What have you two been up to this morning?"

"Jeff took me to the pool. I was amazed – I haven't been swimming since the Academy! I'd almost forgotten how but Jeff gave me some pointers."

"Yeah, we've got some pretty great facilities here – swimming pools, a baseball field, soccer fields and a velodrome for Centauri cycling. Never used any of them myself, but it's nice to know they're there. It's pretty much the opposite of being stationed on the Mars Colony, wouldn't you say, Jeff?"  
"Yeah. There wasn't much to do there. I was a happy kid when we moved to Earth."

"I was never that lucky. I mostly signed up for EarthForce to get off-world."

"You're exaggerating," Sinclair said.

"No, really, that was pretty much it." Sakai laughed. "You were in the Force too, weren't you? Why'd you join?" Garibaldi asked her.

"They had a great xenogeology and chorography department. And I got paid to take flight lessons, which is what I really wanted to do. Then the War came and that threw off my plans for a few years," she said with an apologetic glance at Sinclair. "We were living together when the War broke out."

"Jeff mentioned something about that ..." Garibaldi's link chirped at him. "Garibaldi here."

"There's been a major incident in the custom's lounge. I think you ought to get down here, Chief." Sinclair raised his brows in curiosity.

"Alright, Jack, I'll be right there. Sorry – I gotta go," Garibaldi said standing up.

"Let me know if this is anything I need to worry about," said Sinclair with concern, right before he stole a brownie off of Garibaldi's abandoned tray.

"Will do. It's probably just someone angry about not getting a window seat. Catherine – good to see you."

"Likewise," she replied as Garibaldi took his leave. "So when will I see you next?" she asked Sinclair.

"Assuming everything goes smoothly, eight hours. But if this 'incident' in the lounge turns out to be something big all bets are off. If I'm not back at my quarters by nineteen hundred hours go ahead and eat without me. Oh, and I'd avoid McBari's if I were you – Garibaldi eats like a Drazi goat – the junkier the better."

"I've been forewarned," she smiled.

"I just wish I could be more sure."

"Sure is for people with nothing on the line, you and me, we just get on with it."  
"Now I know how Pontus Pilot must have felt."

XXX

"Oh gosh, Catherine," Sinclair bemoaned apologetically as he entered his quarters and saw her sitting on the couch. "I totally forgot you were coming back to the Station today." He slung his jacket over his shoulder. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay – I let myself in and have been working on my report. You look terrible," she said as he approached and sat down opposite her in his chair.

"Thanks a lot," he answered with a resigned laugh. "I feel it too. I've got a damned complicated situation on my hands, the kind where no decision is going to be a good decision."

"Can you tell me about it?"  
"Yeah, I guess it's become common knowledge around here. This small family of aliens came looking for medical help for their son. He's got some kind of blockage that'll kill him if it's not removed." He rolled up his sleeves and leaned forward on his forearms.

"So what's the problem? That doesn't sound very complicated. Can't one of your doctors do it?"

"Yes, but Onteen religious beliefs prohibit any kind of surgery. Seems they believe the soul will escape through any significant breakage of the skin."

"What kind of crazy belief is that?"  
"It's not crazy to them, Cath. And they're religious people – they don't just pay lip service to their faith, they live it. I have to respect that."  
"Well if they won't let a doctor operate that kind of ends the discussion, no?"  
"No. Dr. Franklin wants to operate without parental consent. And he went and made an official request for me to grant him permission to do it. No one else wants to get involved – Earth Gov refuses to even advise; none of the Ambassadors want to represent anyone not from their worlds unless they're rich or powerful or have connections. And like I told Garibaldi, who can blame them? It's a no-win situation. I have until tomorrow morning to make my decision and it's weighing on me like a ton of bricks."

"Don't you have a medical ethics board?"

"No, no funding."

"Has any case like this turned up before?" Sinclair sighed and shook his head, sinking back into the chair.

"Yeah. And that's a problem. In that case I let Dr. Kyle operate. But that patient had representation here. They had standing to launch a protest. In fact, they did protest, I over-ruled them, but in the end it all worked out. But this situation is different."

"What is your gut telling you?"  
"My gut says all life is sacred. I can't let the kid die. On the other hand, if I don't stand up for the parents no one else will. That's something I feel strongly about too."

"All this talk of souls. It's ridiculous."  
"I believe in the soul," Sinclair reminded quietly. "I believe there's something in us that persists after death. It's a major tenet of Catholicism. But I don't pretend to know what happens to it. I've met aliens who claim they can capture it and carry it around in a globe. The Minbari believe it returns to a racial soul well to be born again. The Brakiri believe they come back to this plane of existence every two hundred years. You and Franklin think it's all superstition. Are the rules supposed to change depending on who it involves or what I think about their beliefs? What if the Centauri claim a religious belief that compels them to kill Narn? Soon there'll be no rules at all." He ran a hand through his hair.

"So it's life or injustice? Death or anarchy? What a choice. I didn't realize how complicated your job was until now."

"It gets worse. I not only speak for the Station, I represent Earth when it comes to governance, both in fact and symbolically. Whatever I rule is going to be seen as 'the' Human decision. I have to consider what kind of impact my ruling will have on Human-alien relations. I'd hate for non-Humans to think I don't take them, their religions or culture seriously. And I'd hate for that to be true." He sighed again. "You know, usually when I get caught in a bind like this I go and read the rulebook. But there's no rulebook for this. I'm an involuntary pioneer."

"I'm glad my job just involves rocks and minerals."

"Need a pilot?" he asked sardonically. He stood up and went to the kitchenette. "What would you do?"

"Let Dr. Franklin operate. In a choice between science and false belief I'll go with science every time. "

"Hmm. I just think seeing it that way is too simplistic. I've got to entertain the idea that for them, it's not an unfounded notion. Want some coffee?"

"It's awfully late."  
"I know I won't be sleeping tonight anyway. Thanks for letting me talk this out."

"Did it help?"

"Not really," he admitted. "I still don't know what to do. But at least my choices stand out clearly." He drank his coffee quickly. "I'm going to hit the shower. Don't stay up on my account."

XXX

"Hello Shon, I'm Commander Sinclair, welcome to Babylon 5. What do you think of my Station?"  
"I haven't seen much of it, only the MedLab."

"We've got to get set up for the President's next stop. You know how it is, always on another assignment."  
"Yeah, I know."  
"I'll see you the next time the President visits. He's fond of Babylon 5, you know."  
"Then make sure nothing happens to him. We need all the friends we can get."

XXX

"Welcome back!" Sinclair greeted Sakai with a broad smile as she entered the arrivals and departures lounge, her duffle bag slung over one shoulder. He kissed her, then made a move to carry the bag, even though he knew she'd refuse the assistance. "You missed all the excitement," he told her. "The President and his entourage made a visit and we got an entire new squadron of Starfuries to mark the occasion. I wish you'd have been here for the reception; he had a lot of good things to say about the future of Babylon 5 and of course there was great food – imagine real chocolate!"  
"Chocolate? Sorry I missed that!" she began. "But you know me, Jeff, I'm not one for formalities. I probably would have said or done the wrong thing and caused a diplomatic incident."

"We had one of those too," he said more seriously. "A big one. Homeguard again. An assassination attempt against the President."

"What? Here?"

"You've got to start watching ISN when you're away on assignment. How you didn't know I was in charge of the Station when it had been in the news for at least three years, I'll never know. Anyway, there were charges set throughout the cobra bays ready to explode upon launch. There wouldn't have been much of the Station for you to return home to if they'd pulled it off."  
"Home?" she said smiling mysteriously, "is that what this is – home?"

"You tell me," Sinclair murmured in an impossibly low tone. "It's been three months." He turned to her for an answer as they stopped in front of the transport tube doors and then stepped inside.

"Home," she repeated. "I could get used to the sound of that." She dropped her bag to the lift floor and reached to embrace Sinclair. The two were still entwined, lips locked, when they arrived at their floor and the door opened.

"Oh! I'm sorry, Commander ..." Sinclair flushed when he saw Talia Winters standing there. She was red herself.

"Ms. Winters," he said, recovering, "this is Catherine Sakai. Catherine, Talia ..."

"We've met. So nice to see you again, Ms. Sakai."

"Likewise. Have a nice day," Sakai offered, retrieving her bag and waving goodbye. She looked up at Sinclair as they doors closed. "That was embarrassing … what will she think?"  
"Oh she won't think," Sinclair laughed, "she knows. That must have been quite a mindblast for her. Speaking of not knowing etiquette, I don't have a clue what you're supposed to do when you intrude on a telepath's mind like that."

"Someone should write a book," Sakai suggested as Sinclair stuck his passkey into the door outside his quarters. "I don't think I could handle a relationship with a teep – having someone know your every thought, I mean every one of them? I think it would be just one long embarrassment."

"I'm not at all embarrassed that you know what I'm thinking now ..." he said lowly.

"Hmm," she teased, "you want something to drink?"

"No, don't quit your day job, that wasn't it." But obediently Sinclair moved to the kitchenette.

"What do we got?"  
"Orange juice, coffee, several different kinds of tea, bourbon and a half a bottle of wine," he offered, rummaging through the cabinets.

"Wine'll be fine," she said, propping her feet up on the coffee table as he fixed them drinks. "So tell me more about the assassination attempt – did you lose anybody?" Sinclair handed her some wine and sat down beside her with a rocks glass in his other hand.

"Yeah," he said somberly, "one of our maintenance workers – he'd been aboard since initial construction. Terrible. And the man who turned out to be the saboteur died as well. It was an inside job. Remember when I told you I thought Homeguard had support from within the government? Well now we have proof it goes up to the highest levels – this guy and his confederate were on the President's own security detail."

"Do you think this attack was from within his party? Or do you think it was the opposition?"  
"I'm betting it's the opposition. They've never supported the Babylon Project and they've made no attempts to conceal their distain for alien ventures with Earth." He took a sip of his drink. "This has really got me wondering about the man who kidnapped me. He said he was trying to prove I'd been conspiring with the Minbari since the War. Sounds like a Homeguard goal, but then why bother to kidnap me in the hopes of getting evidence? It would have been easier and far less perilous to simply make stuff up and use their propaganda arm to spread it. Otherwise they risked going on this whole complicated mission only to learn the truth was I had no involvement at all. And why target me? I may be in command of B5 but I'm really pretty low on the totem pole. I think it would be hard to stir up public sentiment against the government based on what some insignificant Starfury pilot allegedly did."

"You're hardly insignificant – you survived The Line."

"Yeah, well, that was a long time ago. Who cares about The Line anymore except for those of us who fought it? But if you could expose a leading Senator, a Cabinet member, a Consortium Minister … then you'd have something to work with. I think we're looking at three separate groups here, each concerned with the so-called 'alien problem'. One side wants us to pull out of all our trade agreements, deport aliens from Earth, etcetera but they want to do it through legitimate electoral means. Homeguard has the same goals but they're willing to achieve them by force or use of terrorism. And the third side, the sitting government, is afraid they really have been infiltrated by enemy agents working on behest of one of the other great powers. They're fixated on the Minbari because they're the most powerful, because they're the ones we have the most complicated history with. But I think they're really looking and really worried. And as this incident proves, there _are_ spies among them, just not pro-alien spies. Someone in group one or group three kidnapped me. It wasn't Homeguard – the whole operation was too subtle for them. I wonder if the Psi Corps fits in here someplace too."

"You're starting to sound like some kind of conspiracy theorist," Sakai complained.

"Sometimes there really is a conspiracy."

"Do you think whoever tried to kill President Clark sent those men to kidnap you?"

"No. But someone in the government did. If there's one thing I've learned on this job Cath, it's that along with the ordinary, surface politics that go on in Earth Force and Earth Gov, there are deeper and deeper levels below that I never dreamed of." He finished his glass of liquor. "My problem is I seemed to have pissed off someone at each level in all factions."

"But not the President," she reminded.

"No, not the President. But if something were ever to happen to him, it might end up being me moving in with you aboard the Skydancer."

"I haven't got the room," she teased, "the bunk only fits one, and there's only the one chair."

"Then maybe I'd better invest in alien real estate," he laughed back. "Because I'll need someplace to rest my head at night."

"I'd offer to help you out with that investment but the first requirement of all the planets I investigate is that they're incapable of sustaining higher life."

"So that's the way it's gonna be, is it?"

"I guess we both better hope nothing happens to the President. Besides," she said, leaning over to kiss him, "I like it here."

"I like it here with you," he said, giving her a squeeze before sitting back. "Say, Cath, you know you don't have to keep dragging all your things back and forth every time you go away, right? There's plenty of room in my closet and half the drawers are already empty anyway."

"You're right, it does seem silly. It's not like I have any plans to leave." Sinclair beamed at the confirmation.

"On another note, there was another casualty too – Garibaldi's sobriety."

"Oh no."  
"He was set up as being part of the assassination plot and before I could get the chance to prove it was a frame job, he took off for Down Below and ran into his real enemy down there. It wasn't a pretty picture. He's sober now, but he's going to have to take it day by day again. We've got services available but we all know he's too stubborn to take advantage of them. He insists on doing it – like everything else – alone."

"You like to do things alone."

"No, I like to do them myself. There's a difference."

"Is he back on the job?"  
"Oh yeah, if I hadn't returned him to duty I'm sure he'd still be in some bar loading up. Damn, the moment I had to ask for his clearance and gun I felt about two feet tall. It was horrible. I'd rather be back in that cybernet than go through anything like that again. It threatened the whole dynamic we have going here in a way that his drinking didn't."

"I'm sure it'll be fine – you were friends long before you were co-workers. Have you tried just reaching out to him since then?" Sinclair smiled and headed to the kitchen for more to drink.

"You want more?" he said waving the wine bottle.

"No, I'm good." He set the wine down and unscrewed the bourbon for himself.  
"That's the funniest story. A couple of days ago I asked him if he wanted to go to the gym. He said no, but he'd like company for his 'second favorite thing in the universe.' I tell him I don't even want to know what that might be and he says 'no, really, it's nothing like that, I asked Talia to do it and she said no, but I've done it with Delenn and I think she liked it.' Done it with Delenn? She liked it? I've been friends with her going on three years now and all we've ever done is drink tea and sit in the garden talking philosophy. So now I have to find out what the hell this thing is. I go to his quarters, he lets me in, hands me a bowl of popcorn and then turns on antique cartoons! I mean, really legitimately antique – three hundred year old children's vids! Inside, I'm wondering if he's actually sober. Then I remember my mother did a dissertation on this kind of stuff and I stop laughing. Well no, really I'm laughing on the outside because the vid was mildly amusing, but I'm not laughing on the inside because my late mother and my best friend adore the ridiculous." Catherine laughed until her sides hurt.

"I can't imagine Ambassador Delenn … no, I can't imagine you ..." Sinclair sat back down and chuckled alongside her. "I'd pay to see that!"  
"You've missed your chance, because it's not something that'll happen again, I assure you."

"Spoilsport. A lot sure goes on around here when I'm off at work, doesn't it?"  
"Life here on Babylon 5 is never dull."

"Commander, I admire what you've done there. My grandfather worked the New Cobay Spacedocks until the day he died. The discomfort you have given some of my colleagues pleases me. That is why I am telling you this. Orin Zento has powerful friends. By embarrassing him, you embarrass them. Today you have made new enemies. If I were you, Commander, I would watch things very carefully. You are not the most popular person in government circles right now."  
"So what else is new?"

XXX

Sinclair was sound asleep when Sakai let herself into his quarters at fifteen hundred hours. She was surprised to find the room dark but assumed he was on duty in C and C. It wasn't until she opened the sliding doors to the bedroom and saw him lying in bed that she knew something was going on. She set her bag down in the corner and crept back out into the outer room. Not wanting to disturb him, she decided to leave for the Zocalo for a snack. At the Fruits stand she was saluted by Ambassador G'Kar.

"Ah, Ms. Sakai. A pleasure. Please reiterate my thanks to the Commander for his creative solution – our worship ceremony was most satisfactory, thanks to him."

"I'll tell him, Ambassador, but I've no idea what you're talking about – I haven't spoken with Jeff since I got back forty minutes ago."  
"Your mate has a most keen sense of spirituality," the Narn explained.

"Does he? I'm not exactly religious myself."

"Is that not an area of conflict for you?" he asked with interest.

"Not really. I tolerate his Catholicism and he doesn't try to convert me."

"Most interesting. You are passing by a great resource, I must say."

"I'll keep that in mind, Ambassador."

"Good day then, Ms. Sakai," he said with a flourish, bringing his hands to his chest before striding away.

"Hey, look who's here," Garibaldi greeted her as he patrolled the area.

"Hi, Garibaldi. What's been going on? Do you have any idea why Jeff is sleeping in the middle of the day?"

"I gather you've been away. Your man Sinclair has been a very busy boy the last couple of days."

"G'Kar says he was involved in some kind of Narn religious ritual?"

"I don't know about that, but we had an illegal dock workers' strike he resolved in his usual wily way. Reallocated funds under the Rush Act and pissed off Earth Gov, but made himself a hero of the people here on B5." They wandered over to the coffee bar and Sakai took a seat. "Ran himself ragged doing it."

"That seems to be a theme around here, isn't it?" Garibaldi looked at her carefully. "Espresso," she ordered.

"Yeah. Especially the part where he puts himself in the line of fire – verbally or otherwise. Catherine, before you got here he got himself almost beaten to death by an alien war machine and a character calling himself a 'Soul Hunter', almost got shot out of the sky by our own defense grid, and evaded orders on a major vote of the B5 Advisory Council. He's slowed down a bit since your arrival but if he's not risking his neck physically, he's doing it to his career."

"I've noticed," she said quietly. "We've been fighting about it on and off for twelve years."

"Well, I just want you to know I confronted him about it."

"Thanks, Michael, but I doubt it's going to change him."  
"Me too." Garibaldi leaned against the bar. "You've known him a lot longer than I have – was he like this before the War?"  
"He was a fighter pilot, but outside of that, no."

"That's what I thought." Garibaldi paused. "It worries me, Catherine. I'd hate to lose him to some misguided act of heroism." Sakai nodded sadly.

"I've resigned myself in the last few weeks that the end of Jeffrey Sinclair will be in a blaze of glory. It's the only way we can make this relationship work. Otherwise we just lock horns endlessly."

"I do my best to protect him, but it's awfully tough to protect him against himself."

"Thanks, Michael. I appreciate it. But there's no point in two of us stressing over it. He's going to do what he's going to do whether we like it or not."

"Sounds like you're dealing with it well."

"I have to practice radical acceptance; like I say, it's the only way we can be together. And I do want to be with him." Garibaldi smiled.

"I guess Jeff's not the only one who's recklessly brave." Sakai laughed.

"Ah, my good, dear, friend Mr. Garibaldi, and the delightful Ms. Sakai," Londo Mollari hailed them, wandering over with a drink in hand. "You may tell Commander Sinclair that Rutari has been restored to the proper place in our shrine and I have relinquished the G'Quan Eth plant to that creature G'Kar."

"I think he knows," Garibaldi said, "but I'll check with him when I see him next."

"Very good. He is a most persuasive man, that Commander Sinclair. And with a most excellent eye for the fairer sex," he said unctuously to Sakai. She looked away in embarrassment.

"Yeah, yeah, Londo. Don't you need to take your fulsome observations to someplace else – the Dark Star Lounge, maybe?"  
"If I did not know better, my dear friend Mr. Garibaldi, I might think you were trying to dispose of me. But that couldn't possibly be true, now could it, my closest, most dearest friend?" Sakai rolled her eyes.

"You're making the lady uncomfortable, Londo. Be a good ambassador and move along."

"Very well, Mr. Garibaldi, If you insist on keeping her all to yourself, that is between you and the Commander. I will take my leave of you and try my luck at the casino."

"Ugh," said Sakai, watching his retreating form with relief. "How do you put up with him?"  
"Who, Londo? He kind of grows on you after a while … like a fungus." They shared a laugh. "And G'Kar can be just as bad - he seems to have a steady stream of Earth women going in and out of his quarters. They're quite the pair; if only we could get them to keep their mutual focus on women and off of each other, maybe we'd have some peace and quiet around here."

"Well the appeal is lost on me," Sakai assured him.

"No interest in spots and … whatever it is Londo has to offer?" She laughed again.

"No." His link chirped at him.

"Excuse me. Garibaldi here."

"Chief, we've got a disturbance down in customs ..."

"I'll be right there. Catch you later, Catherine."

"See you, Michael." She folded her arms and looked around, trying to make up her mind what to do next. Finally, she decided to bring dinner back for herself and Sinclair and set off for the restaurant district.

When Sinclair awoke several hours later he found Sakai curled up beside him on top of the sheets.

"Hi, welcome back," he greeted her as he pulled her into his arms, prickling her with his five o'clock shadow.

"I hear you had a rough couple of days, but the Ambassadors all seem to love you."

"Had to do some tough negotiating all around, but after forty sleepless hours it was all over."

"You really push yourself too hard."

"No choice. Things had to be taken care of." He stretched, then planted a kiss on her head.

"They don't pay you enough."

"Probably not, but I don't need much. So how was your trip?"

"Good. Found a very promising moon. I just have to finish up my report tomorrow and then the commission should come in. I brought dinner in for us."

"Thanks. I would have taken you out though."

"I know, I just thought it would be nice for me to provide for you once in a while." She sat up. "Get dressed – I'll set the table."  
"What's the hurry?" he asked suggestively.

"I'm hungry. It was a long trip back."

"Okay," he said, slightly disappointed but knowing he'd get the chance to seduce her later.

A few minutes later he joined her in the living room. "Flowers and everything," he said in admiration.

"I wanted it to be nice. It's been a while since I've seen you."

"Well you'll be happy to know the next few weeks look to be especially quiet for me."

"Figures," she replied, "my next assignment will take me away for about a month."  
"When do you leave?"  
"Three days."

"At least that gives us a little time together," he said, sitting down to the plate of food Sakai set out for him. "Let me check with Ivanova – I might be able to take leave Friday."

"That would be nice."

"Mmm, this is good," he commented, tasting the food. "So, while you've been gone I've been thinking more about what happened to me," he said quietly, "and I'm thinking of bringing Garibaldi in on it, see if he can find out anything about what it all means."

"Have you still been having the nightmares?"  
"Today was the first time I haven't. I guess I was too tired to dream. But it's not so much that I think an answer will clear my head as that I can't help but wonder what's still going on behind the scenes."

"What have you learned so far?"  
"No Human, except maybe me, has ever seen The Grey Council. But then neither have 99% of the Minbari. The members are referred to as 'Satai' and they live permanently on a Cruiser. There's a huge mystique around them in Minbari society. And there used to be ten of them but the mistaken attack by the Prometheus killed the leader at the start of the War. That's it; the sum total of what I've been able to find out about The Grey Council. Not much. Nothing as to why they might have taken me aboard, nothing about why they let me go or blanked my mind, and of course nothing about why they surrendered.

"I don't suppose you could ask Delenn about ..."

"Good Lord, no! Our friendship pretty much rests on neither of us mentioning the War."

"Well, that's a dead end, then. What makes you think Garibaldi will have better luck?"

"For one it's easier to ask questions about someone other than yourself. And he has a lot of back channels and clandestine sources of information. This mystery is in the back of my mind all the time now; I've just got to find out what the Minbari don't want me to remember."

"I wish I could help you."

"You are," he assured her, "just by being a sounding board. It's nice not to be so alone with my thoughts. So what do you want to do tonight? Do you want to go to see a vid?"  
"No, let's stay in tonight. Besides, I'd hate to run into Londo again."

"Why? What happened?"  
"Nothing, he's just so annoying. The Centauri must not think much of B5's mission if they sent him here to represent them."

"Londo's mostly harmless. I kind of feel bad for him – his 'good old days' are long behind him and the Centauri's fortunes are on the wane. He makes a lot of noise, demands a lot of attention, but it's out of desperation. G'Kar's the one that bears watching if you ask me; I wouldn't put anything past him."

"He seems to be intrigued by you. I ran into him in the Zocalo and he was all full of praise for you."

"That's today. Tomorrow he'll probably be plotting to get someone more tractable in here."

"I still say you're selling him short. My last couple of interactions with him were … interesting. He hasn't behaved at all as you had me expecting he would."  
"I'll take that under advisement."

"What about the Vorlon ambassador? I never hear you talk about him."

"Kosh? Kosh is the proverbial mystery wrapped in an enigma. If it's been hard for me to find out about the Minbari government, there's nothing at all really known about the Vorlons'. Nothing. He lives in the alien sector, but no one knows what his actual environmental needs are. He skips almost all the Council meetings, talks in riddles and all I can really say is that he has a very impressive ship."

"If they're so disinterested in communicating with us, why do you think he's here?"  
"To watch us, I think. I can't say why but that's the impression I get. And when I say 'us' I specifically mean the Humans, maybe the Minbari. He's expressly written off the Narn and Centauri. But enough about the Ambassadors. This is my first chance in two days not to have to think about them."

"What do you want to talk about?" Sinclair pulled her to his chest and stared up at the ceiling as he ran his hand through her hair.

"Nothing," he said, "nothing at all."

"But the vision, Commander, the vision is still there. It is not an easy thing, but I can let you see, if you trust me."  
"This … is it a vision of what will be or what might be?"  
"The future is always changing. We create the future, with our words, our deeds and with our beliefs. This is a possible future, Commander, and it is my hope that you may yet avoid it."

XXX

"You'll be happy to know," Sinclair began as he lay naked in bed beside Sakai among the twisted sheets, "that I thought about your request today."

"How so?" She asked, lifting her head off his chest long enough to look at him.

"I had a chance, two chances actually, to go chasing after adventure today, but I passed them up to make you happy."

"And what kind of adventure was it?"  
"The best kind – in a Starfury. We got a distress call from the transport Achilles about a raider attack and instead of checking it out myself, I sent Ivanova, who was dying to go. So I guess I made two women happy with that one." Sakai pinched his side. Sinclair chuckled. "Later, I sent Garibaldi and Alpha wing to do the mop up, but the raiders' command and control ship showed up and some of them escaped. We lost one pilot to their eleven. I suppose in theory that could have been me. But I restrained myself."

"You're right – I am happy to hear that," she confirmed, kissing him. "But I heard you did confront an armed kidnapper."

"Where do you get all this information from?"  
"Nothing you do goes unnoticed, Jeff. If you sneezed in Command and Control I'd probably hear about that too."

"I wasn't looking for trouble at the time, it just kind of found me. Besides, no one was ever in any real danger."

"What about the Centauri they made off with?"  
"Okay, point made. But the raiders will probably ransom him off. If only we had known about the raiders' aircraft carrier, we would have been able to rescue him. I had a foolproof plan with one loophole and they found it. At least Londo and the Centauri seer were alright." He paused and looked at Sakai oddly. "I suppose I don't really have to guess what you think about visions, do I?"  
"Visions? Like prophecies? You want someone who believes in prophecy, you'd better go talk to a Minbari."

"That's what I figured you'd say. But what if someone telepathically … showed you something? A picture of things to come? What if they were known for that sort of thing and respected among their people?"  
"I wouldn't take those people very seriously."

"You really don't leave much room for anything but skepticism, do you?"

"Not really. I believe in what I can see and touch. Mysticism is more your kind of preoccupation."

"Do you think less of me because of it?"  
"No, it's kind of an interesting quirk in an otherwise perfectly reasonable person," she said with an affectionate smile as she reached to muss his hair. "So what did you telepathically see, esoterically speaking?"  
"Mmm, I don't think I'm going to tell you now," he said with a little embarrassment.

"Oh, come on," she badgered.

"No, really. You'll only think I'm being, what did you say? Quirky?"

"I already know that you are," she said, reaching over to the nightstand, picking up a heavy bound-paper book and dropping it on his belly. Sinclair groaned at the weight. "Here's proof. I mean, what is this? Homer? A whole universe full of things to read and you're re-reading 'The Odyssey' for the tenth time?"  
"Oh, more than that. I re-read it every year or two," he said, replacing the book on the other nightstand. "In English translation," he offered in self-defense.

"Thank you for making my point. So what did you see?"  
"The Station … one small ship leaving the docking bay and then the entire Station blown to smithereens. It seemed very real. It was a disturbing vision."

"And now you think it's going to happen?"

"Now I think I have to prevent it from happening. She said the things she sees are possible futures, but that we have the power to avert them."

"Well almost anything could be a possible future. I wouldn't get worked up about it."

"I didn't think you would. Still, I found something about it compelling. On another note, Garibaldi reported back to me on that question I had."

"And?" she asked, turning over and propping herself up on her elbows.

"I was right to be suspicious. There was a very long list of candidates to run B5, and my name was near the bottom. Who knows how it got there at all. But there was one interested party who rejected everyone else until my name came up." He paused for effect. "The Minbari."

"What?"  
"In exchange for their funding, the Minbari were given the power to reject or select whomever they wanted to command Babylon 5, and they wanted me."

"After kidnapping and torturing you on The Line?"  
"Exactly." Sakai shuddered.

"Screw your visions, _that's_ creepy."

"Isn't it? All along the only reason I could figure I was selected was that Earth Gov wanted to irritate the Minbari by selecting someone who'd fought against them. I mean, I went from a nothing post on Mars Colony to all of this – it was a huge promotion. I knew that there were world leaders back on Earth who must have wanted the job despite the risk that the Project would fizzle or yet another Station would fall apart or disappear, and yet President Santiago came to me. Let me set some ground rules too, like that I wouldn't take the position if someone of higher rank traveling through could overrule me. It never occurred to me the Minbari would _want_ me in this post. I'm still having trouble believing it."

"Maybe you said something during interrogation that they found meaningful?"

"My name, rank and serial number? I never broke, I'm sure of that. I assume that's why they tortured me." Sakai put her arm across him and lay back on his chest.

"You can't let Delenn know you know," she warned spontaneously. "She's their Ambassador – she must know the reason why, and yet she's said nothing to you this whole time? What kind of friend is that?" Sinclair stroked her hair and nodded.

"There's something else. Something I'd been withholding from you. Delenn was there."

"What do you mean 'she was there'?"

"In my recovered memories? I'd seen her there, in those grey robes at The Line. I think she's a member of The Grey Council."

"Oh my God ..."

"So she knows, alright. She knows everything. And now you, me and Garibaldi had better make sure she never finds out what we know."

"You said you were friends!"  
"I thought we were. Now, now I don't know what we are. Yet I can't behave any differently now – I can't give her any reason to suspect I know. She was already fishing for an answer from me about whether I'd remembered anything right after I was kidnapped."

"How did she even know what those men were trying to find out? Jeff, I'm scared for you," she admitted. "You know it takes an awful lot to frighten me, but this? It does."

"Me too," he whispered, relieved to have someone to confess it to. He reached for the light, but she grabbed his wrist.

"Don't turn out the light just yet," she requested. "I'll never be able to fall asleep with this on my mind. Read to me about the wine-dark sea and the man of many devices." Sinclair reached for his book.

"Sing to me, of the man, Muse, the man of twists and turns driven time and again off course, once he had plundered the hallowed heights of Troy ..."

"Mr. Bester's not the type to come out of the shadows, and there are bound to be some questions raised over this."

"It's good to have things back to normal."

XXX

"So Internal Investigations and the Psi Corps both knew about the Minbari selecting you for the post?" Sakai asked as they strolled the maze garden hand in hand.

"It seems the only one who didn't know was me."  
"How did they keep this secret for eleven years without it leaking to you or the press?"  
"I wasn't looking for the answer until recently. And we're talking about the two most clandestine organizations within Earth Gov. Heck, most of the time you don't even know who's Eyes until they announce themselves – at which point you're already in hot water. And Psi Corps? I think even most teeps don't know what goes on there. But why did Santiago keep this hidden from me? You'd think the President would want me to know there was some interstellar intrigue behind my appointment, if only to keep me on my toes."

"This gets stranger and stranger all the time. Jeff, do you think the Psi Corps knows what we do about The Line?"  
"Officially? Definitively? No. They were only allowed to do surface scans during the original hearings. But boy was I nervous Harriman Grey would find out. That's why I had to prevent a deeper scan." He sat down on a small bench and Sakai perched beside him. "Unofficially? Unofficially I always suspected someone of poking around in my sleeping mind right after the War. There was no proof, of course, just a feeling. For all I know, Bester was behind that too. He may have been my enemy long before I ever met him. Now I wonder if anyone in the Senate knows, and if they're my opponents or my backers. Add to that the repression of the Free Mars group, the Homeguard, and it feels like nothing I think I knew about Earth is reliable these days. I'm glad you don't do government contract work."

"Though if I did, I might find something out."

"Or get sucked into the maelstrom. No, it's better you're independent, uninvolved."

"Not entirely. You know I've lost a few contracts because of my association with you."

"Oh no, really, Cath? I didn't know. I'm sorry." She brushed him off.

"Chances are I wouldn't have liked to work for those people anyway. How secure do you think your post is now?"

"Well, I did just survive BenZayn's investigation-slash-witch hunt so that rules out any more challenges to my authority for a while, I hope. And with Santiago just starting a new term, I should be good on that score for another four years. Unless I'm forced to do something very impolitic again."

"So you're telling me I should repack my bags then?"  
"No, no, nothing like that," he said as he stretched his arm around her. "Just in the grand scheme of things I feel a bit more vulnerable these days."

"So what did I miss this last month?"  
"Absolutely nothing. Well, Ivanova lost her father and just finished officially mourning for him. Garibaldi had a friend visit, someone I've still never met, and Delenn talked me into providing an honor guard for a man on a crackpot mission to end all crackpot missions. Meanwhile the Station's still here."

"Your uneventful days can be pretty strange, can't they?" Sinclair smiled.

"Sometimes stranger than the busy ones. So what do you say? Ready for dinner?"

"Where are you taking me this time?"  
"Breen Cuisine on the upper level? I haven't been there yet myself but I hear good things about it."

"Lead on."

"One last thing. A favor. If we have to evacuate you know we'll never get everyone off the Station. Ambassadors, women and children, civilians go first. Some of the command staff will have to say on board until … I'd appreciate it if you could make sure Ivanova makes it on the last ship out. She'll want to stay but she has her whole career ahead of her."  
"Understood. She'll be on it if I have to drug her and toss her in before the doors close."

XXX

"Hi! I'm home!" declared Sakai as she entered Sinclair's quarters. He looked up from where he'd been reading reports and a despairing look came to his face.

"Catherine. I was going to send you a message to stay away, but things have been so crazy here I forgot you'd be coming back here tonight. You need to go back to the Skydancer and get away from here immediately."

"I thought everything was fine between us – better than fine – and this is how you go about breaking up with me?" she flared furiously.

"No, Cath, that's not it at all," he assured her, standing up and putting his hands on her upper arms. "Come, sit down and I'll explain it all to you. I'm not breaking up with you, although there's a chance this may be the last time we see each other." He steered her to the couch and sat down with her. "Cath, the uninhabited planet below us just came alive. The details are classified. It's completely destabilized and it may blow up. If it does it'll take B5 with it. Our best scientists are working on the problem, but as things stand now, I'm planning on a full-scale evacuation in ten hours."

"What?"  
"It's not safe here any more. You need to get away before the planet goes."

"Is that why there's an EA heavy cruiser out there?"  
"In part … and they're giving me no end of trouble too. Like I said, classified, but I'll tell you they're only adding to my problems. Do you want me to help you pack your things?"  
"This is crazy … I'm not going anywhere."  
"Catherine, you have to. If I have to order the evacuation it'll be chaos getting all the visiting ships out of here. Your best bet is to go now while no one outside the Command staff knows what's going on."

"And what about you?" Sinclair raised his eyebrows and shrugged sadly.

"This is my Station. I can't leave until all the other people on board have gone. It's a risk that comes with the job."

"I'm not leaving without you." Sinclair gave her a rueful smile.

"Look, I appreciate the sentiment, I really do. I love you. But I have enough to worry about without having to worry about getting you out in time. Please, Cath, just go." Sakai wavered physically, swaying slightly from side to side.

"I'm not going until you give an official order for evacuation. I'm staying with you at least through the night." Sinclair sighed.

"And then you'll go?"  
"Then we'll see."

"I won't have the time to have this conversation with you again. Hell, sleeping tonight is probably a luxury I shouldn't take. We need to settle this now. If you end up on a transport, you'll regret it if the Skydancer is destroyed along with the Station. If you do go and we make it I'll send you an all clear message. Please, Catherine, leave first thing in the morning," he begged, staring deeply into her eyes.

"Alright," she whispered reluctantly. "Jeff," she said, her voice cracking as she put her arms around his neck and pulled him close. "I can't believe I might lose you like this," she whispered into his shoulder. "I've been so happy with you these last five, six months."

"Me too," he concurred, still holding her in his arms. "It's been great."

"I love you, Jeff."  
"I know, But you'll be okay even if you have to go on without me." He inhaled deeply. "Maybe somehow we'll avert this crisis but I have to plan based on the assumption that we won't. And I have to hold it together. So let's stop talking about this and make the most of the few hours we have left to us tonight." Catherine shook her head and kissed him, hard.

XXX

"I got your message. What's up?"  
"Dr. Franklin reports the patient is awake and confirming our information. If any ships land on the planet it will self-destruct."

"Did you tell the Hyperion?"  
"Yes, but unfortunately they've figured out there's no jamming device."

"It's a legend, an ancient sailing vessel that vanished while trying to sail the Cape of Good Hope. According to the story, it's reappeared again and again over the centuries, trying to find its way home."

"Does the Flying Dutchman ever make it home?"  
"No."

XXX

"Jeff!" Sakai yelled, hurrying after him in the Central Corridor.

"Catherine," Sinclair said, turning around and putting his arm around her waist. "Good timing – I'm going off duty now."

"So is it true?" she asked eagerly.

"Is what true?"  
"That a flotilla of transports just brought back eleven hundred people from Babylon 4?" Sinclair frowned.

"How do you know about that? It's classified."

"You think that many people can come aboard all at once without being noticed – or without them talking about it? So is it true?" Sinclair paused.  
"Yes. But it's classified. I can't go into it."  
"But Babylon 4 disappeared years ago! If you found it you'll never be able to keep the story quiet. The press will be all over you for answers."

"Suppressing the details is for the top brass to worry about. I'm just following protocol." They stepped into a transport tube.

"Come on, Jeff, you can tell me. I already know about it; can't you fill in the gaps?" He looked over at her and sighed.

"Sector 14 is now off limits to all traffic. There's a temporal distortion field there that we don't understand. Don't go anywhere near it."  
"Temporal distortion? So Babylon 4 went to some other time?"  
"I can't discuss that." She followed him into his quarters, where he threw off his jacket onto the chair and unbuttoned the top of his shirt before sitting down on the couch.

"Is it out there now?"  
"What is this, twenty questions?"  
"Well, if you won't answer me directly, yes." Sinclair chuckled at her persistence.

"There is nothing we are aware of now occupying Sector 14, nevertheless it remains off limits."

"So it's disappeared again? This is just incredible." Sinclair looked at her as she sat down and smiled despite himself.  
"You have no idea. The things I experienced, Cath, I couldn't begin to explain them to you even if I was allowed to. It was all so improbable and impossible. I have to write up my full report tonight and I have no idea where to begin. If Garibaldi hadn't been there beside me to confirm everything, I might think I'd hallucinated the whole thing."

"I wish you could tell me more."

"I wish I could too. I'd like to decompress first, try to digest what I saw, but then I'm going to have to ask you to disappear yourself for a couple of hours so I can make my report. A lot goes on here as you know, but this may be the greatest adventure I've had so far."

"You're amped up now like you just drank five cups of coffee, you know that?" Sinclair laughed.

"It's from talking about, well, around it. I'm telling you Catherine, this was mind-blowing."

"You're starting to turn me on," Sakai teased.

"There could be worse reactions," he smiled. "Let me go change and I'll take you to dinner. Then I'll have to come back and write my report and you can go to the bar and hear the story from people who aren't restricted in what they talk about."

"Alisa, there's something I've been wondering. When you looked into Delenn's mind did you see anything else? Anything unusual?"  
"There was one other thing. A word. Chrysalis. I don't know what it means."  
"It's a cocoon I think."  
"Cocoon? That's weird. She shut down real fast when I touched that. Why would she want to hide that?"  
"I dunno."

"I guess I have to go."  
"Good luck."

"Thanks."

"Chrysalis."

XXX

"What the hell happened in here?" Sakai demanded, eyeing the destruction in Sinclair's quarters. Cabinets were opened, clothes were on the floor and the bedroom had been ransacked. Sinclair looked up from where he knelt on the living room floor, picking up nicknacks that had become debris.

"A little Minbari Warrior Caste redecorating," he explained, rising to greet her. "Courtesy of one Alyt Neroon of the Star Riders."

"I was only gone eight hours, giving a presentation."

"I was on duty searching for the very thing Neroon thought I had in here – a dead Minbari."

"What?" she asked, kneeling to help pick things up.

"One of my opponents from The Line. His clan was parading his body through the galaxy and B5 happens to be on their route."

"I heard there was a Minbari Cruiser orbiting the Station. I couldn't imagine why. Even I'm nervous looking at them."  
"It's there, alright, big as a nightmare. The body in question had gone missing – while we were turning the Station upside down looking for it, Neroon was thinking I wanted it."

"That's disgusting," she said, picking her way into the bedroom.

"Among other things."

"How did he think you'd fit a body in my underwear drawer?" Sakai asked in outrage.

"Mind you no one was searching the Cruiser," he rejoined with his own frustration. "Or Delenn's quarters, which is where it ended up. Delenn had the body stolen because the deceased was an old friend of hers who didn't want a fancy military funeral."

"And so because of this I had a stranger pawing through my panties?" Sinclair chuckled. "Don't laugh or you won't be coming near them for a while," she threatened. Sinclair entered the bedroom and hefted the mattress back onto the bed frame.

"Just add it all to the laundry and I'll have the service pick it up tomorrow. For what it's worth, the Cruiser is scheduled to leave in the morning, with Neroon on it. I know I'll breathe easier once they're both gone. I imagine I'll be having some predictable dreams tonight."

"What did Delenn have to say about all of this?"  
"You'd think she'd be apologetic, but you'd be wrong. She wants it known it was a 'sacred miracle' that Branmer's body 'disappeared'."

"Wow, that's cynical. I've got to hand it to her, covering a lie with her own religion." She shoved some clothes back in the drawer.

"Ah, but Cath, it's said Minbari never lie. So that makes it the truth."

"Hailing the Ministry of Doublespeak." Sinclair gave her a wry half-smile.

"Minbari Division. Now from the department of non-sequitors, if I say the word 'chrysalis' what do you think?"  
"Butterfly?"  
"It doesn't mean anything else, does it?"  
"Not that I know of. Why?"  
"Because I've been told the word was on Delenn's mind while all this was going on."

"Who told you that?"  
"There was a young telepath aboard. Psi Corps didn't know about her yet and she hadn't been trained. So she just looked into people's minds when she wanted to. She's how I learned Delenn was responsible for Branmer's body disappearing. While she was in Delenn' mind she said she saw this one word that she didn't understand – 'chrysalis'."

"Oh, sure," Sakai said in sudden realization, "she must have been plotting the phony metamorphosis of the guy's body."

"Yes, that must be it," Sinclair replied with relief. "I couldn't figure it out and it was driving me crazy. Good thinking, Cath. Sheesh," he continued, "maybe I should just hire a maid service to clean this all up in the morning."  
"I'll chip in." He waved her off.

"I'll get a military discount – it'll be no big deal. Let's just fix up the bed and call it a night. It's been a long couple of days for me. Seems like it is anytime a Minbari Cruiser comes near me."

"Therefore it is the decision of this court that you be sentenced to the death of personality. You will be taken under guard to a MedLab facility where you will be telepathically scanned and then brain wiped. The personality of Karl Edward Mueller will be totally and completely erased and you will then be programmed with a new set of memories. For the rest of your natural life you'll serve the community harmed by your actions. The scan will be conducted this afternoon and sentence will be carried out at midnight tonight."

XXX

"I still say we should space the creep," said Garibaldi as he dove into his lunch in the mess hall.

"Michael, that's not a legal option," Sinclair responded.

"What are you two talking about?" asked Sakai as she put her tray on the table and sat down next to Sinclair.

"This psychopath killed three people – that we know of – and the ombuds sentenced him to death of personality. I say that's too good for him – why should he be able to walk around when his victims are all in the ground?" Garibaldi insisted.  
"We've been over this – it's because we had no other choice," Sinclair said with a mixture of frustration and impatience. "Since the murders happened here, Earth is refusing to pay to ship him there, Catherine, and we don't have the funds to send him ourselves. I don't like this solution any better than you do, Michael, but our hands are tied." He poked at the food on his plate. "On the other hand, as someone whose had parts of his memory blotted out, I'm not exactly a fan of mind wipes."  
"Sorry, I didn't think about how you have a personal connection to this," Garibaldi said soberly. He lowered his voice. "Has any more of it come back to you?"  
"No. Just what I've told you two. If the cybernet didn't shake it loose, well, I doubt anything else is going to surface at this point." Sakai reached out and touched his arm. Sinclair looked at her, then pulled her hand to his lips and kissed it.

"And what about Talia?" Garibaldi asked rhetorically. "She's the one really being punished here."

"How so?" queried Sakai.

"Regulations require a mind scan before and after the procedure to assure the killer's original personality has been destroyed," Sinclair explained. "We don't have another licensed telepath on board so the task has fallen on Talia's shoulders."

"Is she willing to do it?"  
"Yes, but only because there's no one else who can. She's another person left with no choices in this lousy case," Garibaldi complained.

"It does seem like one of those instances where justice is no justice at all," agreed Sinclair, picking up his fork.

"Can't you just put him in prison for life?" asked Sakai.  
"We don't have the space."  
"And the Station wasn't built with the expectation of it lasting a Human lifespan," Sinclair added. "Who knows how long it'll be here or how long he'll live."  
"At least in prison he'd have time to reflect on what he's done."

"Michael, he's a sociopath. Any reflection he did would be with fondness and a wish he could kill more. It's not as if imprisoning him would change that."

"So here we are back at death of personality," observed Sakai. "Will he remember anything?"

"Not if the mind wipe is done correctly –he'll forget who he was, what he did, where he's been. An artificial personality will be implanted in him and he'll start life over," said Sinclair between bites.

"Ugh," Sakai replied, shuddering. "Imagine having to live most of your life as someone else – someone completely different than you grew up as. I couldn't do it, could you?"  
"At least it's a life," Sinclair said.

"I'd rather be dead myself," Garibaldi rebutted.

"He won't know he's living a different life."

"I don't think that makes it any better," rejoined Sakai.

"But what if in his new life he makes a positive difference in the world? That's the hope I have to hold on to when I try to make this all okay in my mind," said Sinclair.

"I still say he doesn't deserve a second chance. I mean, this guy was brutal."

"Things are very black and white for you, aren't they, Garibaldi?" asked Sakai.

"Keeps me from having the constant agita this guy's got," he said jerking a thumb at Sinclair. "He sees everything in five hundred different shades of grey." Sinclair rolled his eyes.

"I'm not that bad."

"He's right about the agita," Sakai teased. "Look at this situation for example; you only have one option available to you but you're still worried about it."

"It's a question of morality."

"Has he always been like this?" Garibaldi asked her. She nodded.

"As long as I've known him," she smiled. "Jeff wouldn't be Jeff if he wasn't concerned about everyone and everything."

"How did this conversation end up being about me?" Sinclair complained good-naturedly.

"I think it happened sometime around when the Jesuits got their hands on you," Garibaldi smiled.

"His brother says he was like this before then," Sakai offered. Sinclair dropped his head into his hands and and shook it from side to side.

"Why am I putting up with this?" he asked rhetorically.

"Look at it this way, Jeff, if we have the time to pick on you it means everything on the Station is running smoothly," Garibaldi noted.

"Why am I suddenly hoping for a crisis?" Garibaldi and Sakai laughed and she planted a kiss on Sinclair's cheek.

"I want to catch the sentencing, see the look on the scumball's face when it all comes down, so I'm out of here," said Garibaldi. "Enjoy the rest of your lunch."

"Bye Mike. You two are a dangerous combination," Sinclair observed once Garibaldi was gone.

"Well your conversation was so grim; we needed to lighten it up. And really, Jeff, it wouldn't kill you not to worry so much."

"What you call worry I consider giving a topic routine consideration."

"There is such a thing as moderation."  
"You yourself just said you know this is how I've always been."  
"That doesn't mean you can't relax a little; you end up making me worry – about you."

"You could do with a little worry now and again."

"What, and throw off the balance between us? No way. I guess this is as good a time as any to tell you I just signed a new contract this morning. It's going to take me out near the rim – I'll be gone for about five months."

"That's a long trip; are you sure you can handle that much time in zero-g?"  
"And here comes the worrying," she smiled. "Yes, Jeff, I can handle it, I've been on jobs like this before."

"When do you have to leave?"  
"Not until the new year. But it's almost as long as we've been together. I just didn't know how you'd feel about us being apart so long."  
"I'll miss you like crazy," he said, "but I'm sure we can handle it. I'll be here waiting when you get back. Speaking of getting back, I've got to get back to the office and read up on some proposed treaties I'll be negotiating. See you tonight?"

"I'll be there." They exchanged a brief kiss and with that, temporarily went their separate ways.


End file.
